NEWSWEEK: Why did you write the book and why are you doing the documentary? Many people would say you are cashing in on this.
Owen LaFave: I can understand that it kind of looks like that, but you have to walk in my shoes. It drives me crazy when people say, “I wish I had had a teacher like that.” It makes me very angry. What they fail to mention is what that does to that kid. Many people may have crushes on their teachers when they are in school, but the difference is you don’t act on it. When you cross that line, lives are destroyed. Everyone involved in this has been negatively affected. I feel if I can prevent one person from going through that, I’ve done something good with it.
Why do you think Debra is talking about it now?
I’ve asked myself that. I think she feels empowered by all the attention she is getting. Ultimately, she craves attention. It gave her an opportunity to take advantage of having sex with a 14-year-old boy. She enjoyed his attention; she got some kind of emotional charge from it. Whether or not her bipolar condition contributed to her behavior I don’t know, but I think she felt empowered by it.
Did you know that she had mental illness before this happened?
I will say there were definitely some red flags. She did have an eating disorder. But I never in a million years thought she would act like this. I definitely knew she had issues, but I underestimated how big those issues were.
Was all of this humiliating for you?
Absolutely. It was extremely painful. There was a period of time I could have been diagnosed with depression. Here was someone I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Not only did she cheat on me, she cheated on me with a 14-year-old boy. Then it ends up on the national media. Talk about rubbing salt in the wound. I went through a period when I didn’t turn on the TV or pick up a newspaper. I wouldn’t turn on the radio on my way to work. I went to bed one night thinking life was great, then I wake up and in one day my whole life turned upside down. Her mom called and told me she had been arrested.
How has it affected you?
I had the opportunity to sit down and reflect on my life. I did a lot of soul-searching. I did go through counseling and was on an antidepressant for a little while. I realized that I didn’t have to let others define my life for me, that I could define my life and who I was going to be. I know it sounds weird, but it’s really turned out to be a positive experience in my life. It made me realize that life is very fragile, because I did have a loss in my life. I started trying to enjoy who I was and what I was doing. I started my own business. I thought for life I’d be a confirmed bachelor, then surprising to me, I met someone who is absolutely wonderful. She’s my best friend. We got married and recently had a newborn son.
When was the last time you spoke to Debra?
It was after we were divorced, maybe last October or November. We had a couple of cats we shared together and we had to talk about them.
Debra has said that her father didn’t show her affection. Is that true?
He’s very quiet. He’s a nice man. He wasn’t overly affectionate, but he loved her. He was just more passive. Her mother is controlling, and I think that contributed to her problems more than being bipolar affected her. [Her mother] made all her decisions for her. [Debra] was never allowed to take responsibility because her mother came in and cleaned everything up.
What’s an example of her mother controlling her?
Even in college her mother came to school with her and sat in the classroom. I know they were close and great friends, but it’s a little odd when you take your mom to school. Debra didn’t have the opportunity to make decisions for herself. Her mother did it all until I came along and I think [the parents] were a little relieved that they could hand it over to me.
Wasn’t it a red flag to you when you saw her bring her mom to class with her? What made you want to marry her?
When you’re close to the situation it’s difficult to separate those kinds of things. You see what you want. So, what was I thinking? It just seemed natural; people meet in college, get a college degree, get a job and get married. Yes, like I said, there were a number of red flags, but I saw her mom as my ally. It was kind of a Catch-22. There was definitely something wrong with it, but her mom was my ally, she was my biggest fan. At times Debra would be unreasonable about something, and her mother would step forward and explain my situation to her.
Did Debra ever discuss any sexual fetishes?
She was very reserved. Our sex life was tumultuous. The sex was either very good or it wasn’t. According to [Debra], she was raped when she was [a teenager] and [she] entered into a relationship with a girl that was intensely abusive. She said it was a very controlling phase of her life. I think it was a function of her rebelling against her parents at that time. Her family is very religious. We actually went to the same high school for a year, so I knew.
